The past few weeks have been very trying. I've been stressed, scared, happy and hopeful. Just when I feel I have my footing, whoosh. It's gone.
Sometimes you have an ACTUAL person to battle against - a specialist, a teacher, an administrator, an insensitive family member, a total stranger, an ass of an employer, or your own stubborn child.
SOMETIMES your opponent is less concrete - a disease, a disability, a mile stone that keeps moving away, or skill your child JUST can't seem to master. And sometimes you end up fighting against YOURSELF - subduing your fears, conquering your doubts, attacking your insecurities. REGARDLESS of the foe, you're in it to WIN it. Surrender is NOT an option. You may negotiate and agree to a treaty, or observe a ceasefire, or you may scorch of the earth and take no prisoners. BUT you'll fight the good fight as long as there's ANY fight left in you - and then you'll FIGHT some MORE.
Bubs is scheduled for a Bronchoscopy on the third and countless other appointments. I've given a months notice to his daycare, and will follow shortly with my weekday employer. I'll be working weekends and nights so I can stay home with him during the day. It's the only way to give him the support he needs. And you know what? That's a-okay with me. Screw other people taking care of him when I could do it. So what if it's going to be hard? I didn't get into this motherhood business thinking it would be easy. Granted, not THIS hard, but whatever. I am BLESSED to have this life. I am STRONG enough for it.
He didn't nap today. It's 7:45pm, and he is STILL awake. I had plans to get the house organized, to get caught up with laundry(to finally finish that ONE load that I have had to rewash for forgetting it was in there) to get caught up with my writing...welp.
Wrong, Erika. Wrong. But that can wait. Because right now, I'm rocking my baby, and that is a thing to be THANKFUL for.
One day, I'll look back on the therapies, appointments, sleepless nights, napless days, tears, triumphs, ignorance, heartaches, and struggles. And I'll smile.
Hugs
Erika
