Mommy Meltdowns & Shitty Work Schedules

WELL....This post is not for the 'always-look-on-the-bright-siders' nor is it for the 'you-do-know-that-there-are-people-who-have-it-worse-than-youers'

That being said, let me give you my work schedule for the past few days.

Tuesday: 830am-10am, 11am-330pm, 630pm-11pm
Wednesday: 830am-1040am, 11am-330pm, 7pm-11pm
Thursday: 930am-1050am, 11am-330pm, 7pm-9m, 1030pm-6am. yes. AM!
Friday: 530pm-9pm
Saturday: 8am-3pm

Total Hours Worked: 47.25

I feel like I'm ALWAYS working. I have a few hours gap here and there, but I'm out from 8 am sometimes not getting home til the next morning. AND I'm missing my kid. I know I'm gonna miss out on something huge. And it kills me. I am tired, I am stressed, and I'm feeling a LITTLE used. BUT, for now, my hands are tied. I need diapers, and formula, aaaaaaand coffee...
I erupt into hot tears of anger when I pause long enough to think about how much time I'm not spending with my son. I feel anxious knowing that I have to leave him in a hurry. This is NOT what I wanted. I did NOT sign up for this...

YES. I know other people work more.
NO. I am not salaried.
NO. I didn't always have my schedule 12 hours in advance.
NO. I am NOT okay with this...but right now, I don't have much of a choice.

SO today, when I went to change Bub's poopy diaper, and he smushed his hand in it, and almost put it in his face, and smeared it all over the blanket he was laying on, and tried to crawl away, and a myriad of other things, I lost it.

"DON'T YOU DARE! THERE'S POOP INVOLVED!" Classy right? NOT. Those are not the words of a kind and sweet and gentle mother. They are the words of a sleep deprived, upset, and resentful mother(not resentful towards him, DUH, but towards work, the stupid, fucking, necessary evil.)

I did NOT have that shit contained. We ended up in the bathtub, where he screamed bloody murder as I hosed him off. Did I mention he was up at 6, and didn't go down for a nap til 2? (norm is up at 7 and nap at noon) I didn't? Oh, well, imagine being an almost 2 year old, sleepy as heck, and covered in your own shit, WHILE your tired, pissy, mother sprays you with the detachable shower head. Not a great reenactment of the Johnson's&Johnson's night time routine seen in their commercials (Anyone else called bullshit on those?)

Finally cleaned, and a charade to get a clean diaper back on him. I threw the shitty sheets in the wash, and laid him down next to me on the couch. I looked over and he was PASSED OUT.

I put him in his crib, shake of the mommy guilt as best I can, and am about to veg out on some netflix, youtube, and some serious de-stressing, when guess who calls?

It's work. Telling me that I need to work the holiday.