So...I still use a paper planner?

In a time where everyone has their smartphones glued to their hands, why on earth would I go backwards and use a paper planner!?

Because I'm a visual person. That's the simple answer.

When I was in middle school, my dad RELIGIOUSLY used a Franklin Covey zip planner. He had those green daily pages, and even inventoried them by year when he was done. I wanted one SOOOO badly. I've always been a stationary and pen addict. In fact I was almost sent to the principals office in 6th grade over some scented erasers. True story.

Anyways, he ended up getting me a magnetic snap one, and I took that thing everywhere. I've upgraded since then, and started with Filofax and moved into Kate Spade. I did a few planner set up video, but just to warn you, they're supppeerrr awkward. I'm getting better, I promise

Since these videos I've purchased, the Day Designer, Erin Condren, Target planners (like Sugar Paper LA and the Day Designer's Line) even Midori, and always end right back up in a ring bound planner. I just LOVE being able to customize it soooo much.

It's also kind of a creative outlet for me. I used to scrapbook, and I still paint and draw. BUT I will say, all the decorating does overwhelm me. 

Little Man Update

Hi loves!!! Long time, no write, huh? I know. I'm trying to get better at it, because I do love writing, but by the time little man is down for the night, all I want to do is veg out in front of some Netflix. Yep. Shocker, huh? 

SO! Little man! He and I have made 4 trips to the brace shop to get his AFO's fitted correctly. The last visit we had, we saw a different orthotist. HE was amazing. He fixed every little thing and they are practically perfect now. We also managed to find shoes that would accommodate the width of them. New Balance, Saucony, and Stride Rite were no-go's. Who would've thought we'd end up back with Nike again. Hurray!!

He just had his 2 and a half birthday, where I improvised cupcakes out of funfetti pancake batter that Greg had in the cupboards. Needless to say, it wasn't the same. Little man got a kick out of the candles though. My heart leapt out of my chest when he lunged for them. I cannot believe how OLD and BIG he's getting. Part of me is sad. Sad that phases of his life are passing, sad that I'm having more and more trouble remembering his baby days. BUT, I am also extremely excited for the future. I love watching his little soul develop. He's more observant and always learning. He's becoming so much more expressive and he's just hit (and honestly gone a little ways past) that size where I can hold his hand properly, and his arms can reach around my neck to give me squeezes. I die.

He's in an awkward in between when it comes to clothing sizes. 2T is usually too snug, or too short. 3T is a little bit baggy. Certain brands work better than others and I have to totally reorganize our closet (He and I share one, as the master houses the washer and dryer) because his clothes are getting so much bigger, and I'm in the process of simplifying and trying to work towards a minimalist wardrobe (yeah, that's a story in and of itself).

I feel like I've missed so much, but all in all Liam is doing FANTASTICALLY. The only issue is this crazy stupid amount of snowfall we've had in Boston. We can't really do much besides walk around the mall. And we are going slowly stir crazy. 

Anyhow, I'm coming up with a blog schedule because I do want to devote more time to this. Hopefully my next post's thoughts will be more organized!

xoxo 

Erika

Where I'm Starting In 2015 - Progress Photos

Around this time last year, I was working nights, and taking care of my son during the day. He is two now, and has Autism Spectrum Disorder. Being a single mom, taking care of him, and the stress that comes with a new diagnosis like that, my health was the LAST thing on my mind. 

I knew the foods I was eating weren’t healthy, but getting meals at the drive thru, or in the prepared foods section on my way to and from work, was the easiest thing for me to do. I was tired, sluggish, and uncomfortable in my still-gaining body. I weighed more than I did when I was 9 months pregnant. When the nurse had to double check my weight with me at a physical, I knew it was time to do something. If I was surprising medical professionals with my weight gain, something was wrong. 

My coworker was doing weight watchers so I signed on. I quickly realized that I was continuing these bad habits, just in smaller portions. I was searching fast and easy weight loss on Youtube when I happened upon someone’s weight loss transformation video. I sent her a message, and changed my life. 

I know it sounds corny, but it’s true. She got me signed up with a challenge pack which gave me the best deal on a workout program and Shakeology. I didn’t do any research, I just jumped. It’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I was introduced to an amazing group of women who were all going through the same things that I was. I had this incredible accountability and judgment-free place to go when I was struggling, or dealing with a situation where I’d normally resort back to my unhealthy ways. I signed up as a coach within a few weeks. I started to read personal development books and saw a change more incredible than the physical ones. I HAD to share this with everyone. 

I have lost about 45 pounds since I started my journey. But in place, I’ve gained lifelong friends, self love, confidence, energy, happiness, joy, you NAME it. I am a part of one of the most supportive communities of women (and men). I continue to coach, because there are SO many people out there who don’t know what they’re missing. It’s more than the workouts and the Shakeology. It’s more than the weight loss. It’s about TRANSFORMATIONS. I am the BEST version of myself. I am healthier than I have ever been. Both physically and emotionally. I have come alive through this journey. I am a better mom, a better friend, a better daughter, a better girlfriend, a better coach when I work on myself first. I wouldn’t give this feeling up for anything. I'll always have stretch marks. Some from my son, and some from my unhealthy lifestyle. I have sagging and loose skin. But I LOVE IT. It's just proof of how far I've come.

And though this has been a journey full of ups and downs, both emotional and in pounds, it has TRUELY made me grow. People who have known me since before I've started say they see a difference. Not only in my size, but the joy I radiate.

So, are you ready to chat yet? Send me a friend request. Let's chat!  https://www.facebook.com/erikakkamezaki

erika.kamezaki@gmail.com

Sometimes It All Gets To Be A Bit Too Much

I am struggling.

Struggling to fall asleep, struggling to turn my thoughts off, struggling to stay positive, struggling to move my face without my tear-streaked cheeks tugging, struggling to look away from the baby monitor, struggling to stay strong, struggling not to fall apart.

Struggling to keep my voice down when I celebrate first bites of new foods, struggling to let go of his bumbling toddler hugs, struggling to look away from the plethora of smiling photos of him on the wall behind this monitor, struggling to keep from sleeping on his bedroom floor,

struggling to stay pessimistic. 

I just watched a video a friend had posted to her Facebook page. It was a video of a woman named Carly. She had an indescribable breakthrough. She types. She went over to the laptop and typed out HURT, then HELP before throwing up behind the couch. That's how she started to communicate with those around her. She shocked people. The fluidity with which she wrote was astonishing. She described how she feels and how much she understands. And I realize, for the umpteenth time, that there are things I might never understand.

I know that isn't the brightest of views, nor is it the tone of a mother who fancies herself Wonder Woman. But it's what I am struggling with. I don't know how much Bub's understands. I don't know if he understands when I say, "I love you." I don't know if he is in pain or discomfort. I don't know if he enjoys the food I offer, or if he's just hungry. I just don't freaking know. I don't know if he feels trapped, the way Carly feels. I don't know if he is understanding the PECs system I'm desperately pushing. I don't know a whole lot of things.

But what I do know is this. No matter how hard it gets, or how deep into self pity I sink, his smile pulls me out. It doesn't always happen right away, but it does. I also know that this is a long haul struggle. I don't know that I will ever be able to describe accurately enough. I will do EVERYTHING in my power to push for what he needs. I won't ever give up.

There is ALWAYS more to the story than what you see. I want so desperately to be in his body for a day. I would give pretty much anything for that. I am struggling to be his rock and deal with the emotional roller coaster that I've hopped on.

I would LOVE to meet Carly, and have her spend just a few hours with us. Bub's inner voice will find it's way out, as it does daily. I just have to be patient and PAY ATTENTION. I hate to let anyone see me struggle, because I DO want to be supermom for him. But, at the same time, I hate that no one knows what I'm going through. One of the hardest lessons to learn in life is letting go. Whether it's anger, confusion, love, or grief. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go. I've said it before, but the nine months I was pregnant with Bubs, this is not exactly what I imagined. I still struggle with letting that go.

I keep telling myself that challenges are not sent to destroy me. They're sent to promote, increase and strengthen me. This struggle is part of my story. Part. Not all of it, and most definitely not forever. So for tonight, I'll embrace it and let it make me stronger.

I REFUSE to get so focused on the struggles that I forget about the gift of today.

And do me a favor? Remember that EVERYONE you meet is fighting a battle you know NOTHING about.

Overcoming The Overwhelm

The past few weeks have been very trying. I've been stressed, scared, happy and hopeful. Just when I feel I have my footing, whoosh. It's gone.

Sometimes you have an ACTUAL person to battle against - a specialist, a teacher, an administrator, an insensitive family member, a total stranger, an ass of an employer, or your own stubborn child.

SOMETIMES your opponent is less concrete - a disease, a disability, a mile stone that keeps moving away, or skill your child JUST can't seem to master. And sometimes you end up fighting against YOURSELF - subduing your fears, conquering your doubts, attacking your insecurities. REGARDLESS of the foe, you're in it to WIN it. Surrender is NOT an option. You may negotiate and agree to a treaty, or observe a ceasefire, or you may scorch of the earth and take no prisoners. BUT you'll fight the good fight as long as there's ANY fight left in you - and then you'll FIGHT some MORE.

Bubs is scheduled for a Bronchoscopy on the third and countless other appointments. I've given a months notice to his daycare, and will follow shortly with my weekday employer. I'll be working weekends and nights so I can stay home with him during the day. It's the only way to give him the support he needs. And you know what? That's a-okay with me. Screw other people taking care of him when I could do it. So what if it's going to be hard? I didn't get into this motherhood business thinking it would be easy. Granted, not THIS hard, but whatever. I am BLESSED to have this life. I am STRONG enough for it. 

He didn't nap today. It's 7:45pm, and he is STILL awake. I had plans to get the house organized, to get caught up with laundry(to finally finish that ONE load that I have had to rewash for forgetting it was in there) to get caught up with my writing...welp. 

Wrong, Erika. Wrong. But that can wait. Because right now, I'm rocking my baby, and that is a thing to be THANKFUL for. 

One day, I'll look back on the therapies, appointments, sleepless nights, napless days, tears, triumphs, ignorance, heartaches, and struggles. And I'll smile.

Hugs 

Erika

So...What the HECK is this Coaching thing?

Most of you know that my son, Liam, turned two recently. Looking back, it kinda blows my mind at how much has changed in the last 2 years. Motherhood joys and challenges included, I am happier, healthier and SO excited for the future. Thinking about how much more will change in the next year makes me both nervous and exited. 

In the next year I plan to:

-Travel with my family to the West Coast twice, Nashville in July, and another trip in the fall

-Pay off all debt

-Put at least $5000 in Savings for Bubs

-Enroll Buba in a pre school that is going to help him succeed

-Work only on weekdays, then quit my job. No more working for someone else

-Quadruple my current monthly income by the end of 2015

None of this would be possible without the amazing business I am creating, and the amazing people I work with everyday, and have grown into lifelong friends. In November of 2013 I hit the heaviest weight that I have recorded. 214 pounds. Sharing this journey has NOT been easy, BUT it has been so rewarding, and more than that, I have grown so much as a person. 

I'm not any different than you. I'm a busy mom, I have a TIGHT monthly budget, maybe some debt, and the desire for MORE. 

More time

More money

More freedom

More.

I have have started creating a business that allows me just that. I work at it when I want, and when I have the time. I can work on this as I work a corporate job, making ends meet as a single mom. I LOVE that ANYONE with the heart and drive can be successful. My earning potential is limitless, and I can rest easy knowing that my company offers THE BEST products on the market, that change lives. No gimmicks, quick fixes, no scams, just QUALITY, life changing solutions. The proof is endless. I no longer fall asleep worried (well most of the time) that things won't get better. I fall asleep visualizing my DREAMS. I no longer wake, dreading the day to day things that cost money and pull me away from my son. I wake restless. Restless to tackle my day. Restless to work on myself. Restless to GET. IT. DONE.

If you have ever thought that you deserved more for your life, wanted more for your kids, wanted to be a part of an amazing community of people, wanted some security, wanted to FINALLLY get rid of your debt, maybe make a little money to use for vacation, look no further. Aren't your dreams worth 5 days? I can SHOW you how VALUABLE and INCREDIBLE this opportunity is. I can answer the questions you might have held back on asking. 

Join me for a FREE, no obligation, 5 day online sneak peek into what I do everyday, how I make money, and how I have grown my business through social media. We are starting MONDAY  

Link to join the private group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/745397708865190/

Hugs

Erika

Mommy Meltdowns & Shitty Work Schedules

WELL....This post is not for the 'always-look-on-the-bright-siders' nor is it for the 'you-do-know-that-there-are-people-who-have-it-worse-than-youers'

That being said, let me give you my work schedule for the past few days.

Tuesday: 830am-10am, 11am-330pm, 630pm-11pm
Wednesday: 830am-1040am, 11am-330pm, 7pm-11pm
Thursday: 930am-1050am, 11am-330pm, 7pm-9m, 1030pm-6am. yes. AM!
Friday: 530pm-9pm
Saturday: 8am-3pm

Total Hours Worked: 47.25

I feel like I'm ALWAYS working. I have a few hours gap here and there, but I'm out from 8 am sometimes not getting home til the next morning. AND I'm missing my kid. I know I'm gonna miss out on something huge. And it kills me. I am tired, I am stressed, and I'm feeling a LITTLE used. BUT, for now, my hands are tied. I need diapers, and formula, aaaaaaand coffee...
I erupt into hot tears of anger when I pause long enough to think about how much time I'm not spending with my son. I feel anxious knowing that I have to leave him in a hurry. This is NOT what I wanted. I did NOT sign up for this...

YES. I know other people work more.
NO. I am not salaried.
NO. I didn't always have my schedule 12 hours in advance.
NO. I am NOT okay with this...but right now, I don't have much of a choice.

SO today, when I went to change Bub's poopy diaper, and he smushed his hand in it, and almost put it in his face, and smeared it all over the blanket he was laying on, and tried to crawl away, and a myriad of other things, I lost it.

"DON'T YOU DARE! THERE'S POOP INVOLVED!" Classy right? NOT. Those are not the words of a kind and sweet and gentle mother. They are the words of a sleep deprived, upset, and resentful mother(not resentful towards him, DUH, but towards work, the stupid, fucking, necessary evil.)

I did NOT have that shit contained. We ended up in the bathtub, where he screamed bloody murder as I hosed him off. Did I mention he was up at 6, and didn't go down for a nap til 2? (norm is up at 7 and nap at noon) I didn't? Oh, well, imagine being an almost 2 year old, sleepy as heck, and covered in your own shit, WHILE your tired, pissy, mother sprays you with the detachable shower head. Not a great reenactment of the Johnson's&Johnson's night time routine seen in their commercials (Anyone else called bullshit on those?)

Finally cleaned, and a charade to get a clean diaper back on him. I threw the shitty sheets in the wash, and laid him down next to me on the couch. I looked over and he was PASSED OUT.

I put him in his crib, shake of the mommy guilt as best I can, and am about to veg out on some netflix, youtube, and some serious de-stressing, when guess who calls?

It's work. Telling me that I need to work the holiday.